A Kiss is Never "Just" A Kiss - The Fundamental Things Do Indeed Apply
I've been thinking.... IS the phrase...
"A kiss is just a kiss...."?
EVER really that simple??
More untrue words have never been uttered.
Kissing is an expression. Kissing is a potent basic form of communication. Kissing is a nonverbal expression of saying exactly what you're feeling without saying a word. One should never underestimate the power of a kiss. It sets you free, it makes you a prisoner, it fills you up, and it can leave you broken and longing for more. So you see, a kiss is never "just" a kiss.
Just look at some of the famous quotes uttered about the art of kissing over the years. We are consumed and facinated by it's power.
"Kiss: a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear." Edmond Rostand
"The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story." Emil Ludwig
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." Ingrid Bergman
"Kiss: a thing of use to no one, but Ghosts by two." Robert Zwickey
"On the list of great inventions, kissing ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer...even higher than room service, probably because the main reason room service was created was so that people could stay in bed and kiss without starving." Tom Robbins
"Few men know how to kiss well...fortunately, I've always had time to teach them." Mae West
We write poetry about it...sing songs about it's power and impact. Plays are dedicated to it...Civilizations have risen or fallen due to a well placed kissed with the right or wrong person. We use a kiss to seal promises...to convey so many things.
A kiss can mean so much, or nothing at all. Remember when you were five years old and you thought kissing was yucky? It wasn't until adolescence that the meaning of a kiss was slowly revealed to us. Between giggles we confessed our first kisses, our secret initiation into the "adult" world. No Big Wheel talks about kisses anymore. Oh, we read about them in romance novels or see them on the big screen, but no one discusses them in hushed whispers between blushes and giggles. We are adults. Kissing is commonplace for us now. Most of us kiss our partners without thinking at least once a day. But shouldn't a kiss always be special?
What is exactly IS a Kiss?
A kiss is more than the sharing of lips and breath. It is a mingling of hearts and souls. A slight tingle, a funny feeling in the tummy, a racing heart, is to be expected. A kiss is an intimate connection to another human being and a simple way to express love and affection. It is also a way for us to confirm that our partner is "the one" and traditionally, the marriage vow is sealed with a kiss as well. What better way to seal the promise of love? So what makes a good kiss? That is a question that is difficult to answer. There is no such thing as a It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas kiss, but unfortunately, there are bad kissers. Every kiss is different, every message personal. There are as many different kisses as there are messages one wants to convey.
The First Kiss
The anticipated first kiss is one that we Star Trek long for and dream about. And, if remembered as sweet and tender, shy and hesitant, or as bumped heads and noses, we don't forget it. A kiss is a thing of wonder. We wonder if and when the object of our affections will bestow us with a kiss. We wonder if our knees will get weak, our pulse will race, or if it will be a dud. So much depends on a kiss. We analyze every detail of our interaction with the opposite sex with the precision of a scientist. He smiled at you when you walked by. Exorcism he like you? You went to see a movie with subtitles and he seemed to like it. Does he really like foreign movies or is he only trying to please you? Will he call you again? You go out on your second date. And then, somehow, you kiss. Your heart soars. He likes you! Could this be love?
The Friendship Kiss
Only the luckiest of people know about the friendship kiss. Europeans have experienced it for years. That gentle peck on the cheek, that soft brushing of two people together, it says, "Hey, I really like you." There is no question of motivation, no negotiation for sexual relations. It is pure, it is enlightenment. Even for this type of kiss, it's not a trivial thing. You are letting someone into your "space" to touch you, embrace you...it's never to be taken lightly.
Perfunctory Kiss
"Bye, Honey. Have a nice day," we say with a quick peck on the lips as we leave in the morning to start our workday. It's part of the routine. Just one more thing to do on our way out the door. Often, once the days of courtship are over, couples tend to fall into a routine, which is anything but romantic. A kiss can communicate so much. Love, tenderness, passion, and devotion, to name just a few. It can also serves as a barometer of a relationship. Kissing is a part of the daily interaction a couple shares. It can send spontaneous and frequent signs of affection and love. In the early stages, we kiss our partners a lot because we need the reassurance that a kiss can bring. Once we are settled into a relationship, we need less reassurance because we feel more secure in our partner's love. But, as time goes on, there is the danger that a couple will stop expressing their love with kisses. The kisses start to taper off. You only kiss hello or good bye or while making love. The love that is between you, while cherished, is not something that you think about anymore. It is just there. Sometimes spoken, sometimes not.
The Stolen Kiss
Much like a smile, it can occur anytime and anywhere. This kiss starts in your belly, moves to your heart, and ends up in your mouth. Sitting in a dark theater, waiting for a crowded bus, reading the Sunday paper-it just happens. You know what I'm talking about, that inexplicable urge to stop whatever you're doing and go on an affection attack. It's happened to you, admit it. You're in your kitchen washing dishes when suddenly your partner comes in for a cold beverage. You turn around, walk toward them and give them a big ole' kiss. Why? Because you can. For the most part, they are welcomed and appreciated.
The Passionate Kiss
You can't wait to feel and touch each other. Your mouths and hands are busy, your hearts are pounding, and you can literally see sparks fly. Passion is a wonderful thing. It makes us feel more alive, more connected to our partner. But, realistically, one cannot expect passion in every kiss. Kisses can range from slow, sweet ones to urgent, fiery ones. Moreover, it us unrealistic to expect passion every single day of our lives.
How many times in books, the movies, and in real life has it been proved that a relationship built on passion alone cannot survive? Without a deep, emotional connection between two people, a lasting love cannot thrive. And by lasting love, I mean one that can withstand the ups and downs of every day life. Factors like compatibility, similar values and goals, mutual respect, trust, and friendship should be weighed alongside physical attraction. A passion that feeds on itself will eventually burn out.
Romantics dream of it, cowards fear it. It quickens your breath, it makes your heart race. This kiss inspires poetry and song. This kiss ignites jealousy and rage. This kiss knows no satisfaction. if performed by lovers or strangers, this kiss has one single message, "I want you."
A passionate kiss calls for surrender...and you listen.
Kissing 101
1. Always remember how special you and your partner are together.
2. Be creative. Kiss your partner's forehead, eyelids, cheeks, nose and chin, before kissing your partner on the mouth.
3. If you don't like your partner's kissing style, tell them gently how you would like to be kissed. Better yet, show them.
4. Gently caress your partner's hands, neck, or back as you kiss. Make it more than a mere Elvis of the lips.
5. If you don't have time for a "real kiss", make a verbal promise of "Later." You and your partner will have something to look forward to and you will have put the magic of anticipation back into your relationship.
Other Daily Steps to Intimacy:
1. REALLY listen to each other. Hear what is said rather than putting your own spin on it or only hearing what you want to hear.
2. Be there for each other. Be the port in the storm for each other, even when you might disagree over the subject. Never turn your back on your partner or close the emotional door.
3. Touch each other...often. Even if it's a slight touch that lets someone know you're thinking of them or a passionate promise for later, it's important to have that connection.
4. Go out on a "date" at least once a month. Maybe even re-create your first date. Be inventive, be imaginative. Do not take each other for granted or get too busy for each other.
5. Have a candlelight dinner. Go all out. Have music, good silver, china, wine, dress up (or get hardly dressed). No televisions or cell phones allowed. Get a sitter for the kids if you must.
6. Plan a special day together for just the two of you. It doesn't matter what you do, just make it about the two of you, not a group. Draw out the planning, anticipate it. Savor the day when it arrives.
7. Have a "How's your love life?" conversation. Ask your partner to rate their level of passion and intimacy on a scale of 1 to 10. The very act of having the conversation increases the level of satisfaction for both of you.
8. Write a love letter to your mate. Make it a little unpredictable. Throw your partner off guard by saying things you don't normally say.
9. Agree to take turns initiating affection so it doesn't always fall to the same partner.
10. Every once in a while, schedule passion on your calendar in advance. Focus on your "appointment" in the hours preceding so your passion and excitement has time to really build.
Anticipation is a wonderful thing...never take it for granted.
posted by lindaddl @ 8:51 AM
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